Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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