summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I would fuck him just for his dog
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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