I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
