My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
