Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
