I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
