Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Randomize
