That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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