I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
