So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
