You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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