I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
