He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
