I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
