careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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