i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
