God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
