dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize