Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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