giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
