im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
