I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
