She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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