Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
