God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
