that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
