My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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