I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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