My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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