wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
