She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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