Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
