I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
