Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He shit in the fireplace
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
