I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
