I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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