he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
