I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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