The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
