her facebook's as public as her vagina
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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