I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
