Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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