I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
