Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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