i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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