I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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