I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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