just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
