I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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