i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
