I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
vagina is talking i cant
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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