I wish my penis had an off switch
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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