First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Randomize
