I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
