Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
pray to the hookup gods
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
