i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
