im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
