you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
