there's paper in my vomit.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
