I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
