I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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