I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
