Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
