On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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