i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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