If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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