mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize