Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize