420 ftw
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
