his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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