I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
