I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i think i just lost a toe
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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