does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
