There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
