she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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