Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
