First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
