I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what day is it and did you see me today?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
This toilet bowl is my home.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
