oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
