Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
