I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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