By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
