You really coming over, don't trick.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
