hotel room ftw
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think my moral compass just broke
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize