So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
