But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
