Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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