Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
