the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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