and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
