So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize