Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
