yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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