also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
