i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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