Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
